It's been quite the couple of weeks on the health front. Let's see if I can get all this out without sounding disjointed and skipping around too much.
Ok, after my pap tests came back for HSIL, they sent the sample in to test for High Risk HPV (the ones linked to cervical cancer). It took 3 weeks for those to come back as positive for one or more high risk strands (they can't get more specific than that). So, everything was sent to Dr. Wisebaker, my OB/GYN. I called her office on Monday the 16th, and they had received the results, but Dr. W wasn't going to be back in the office until Friday the 20th (on-call at the hospital). They said a nurse would look everything over and if she felt it couldn't wait for Dr. W to get back, they would call me. No phone call, which is a good thing.
A week after Dr. W got the results, I still hadn't gotten a call to set up follow-up. I called them on Friday the 27th, and the nurse couldn't find my test results in my chart. She said she would find out what was going on first thing Monday morning (today). It was close to 5pm on that Friday, so she couldn't call me PCP to have them re-send the results, so it had to wait. I got a call from Dr. W's office this afternoon. She said that Dr. W had my test results for the last week in her personal possession. They want to do a colposcopy to start off with. But, Dr. W is in Mexico for the next 2 weeks, so my appointment isn't until April 21st. I'm a little comforted by that. I really feel like if Dr. W felt like this couldn't wait for her to get back, she would have requested that another doctor in the practice do the colposcopy sooner. Dr. W knows me - I used her for both my kids, and I trust that if she felt I was in a dangerous situation, she wouldn't want to wait.
So, here's the game plan. Colposcopy on the 21st, including biopsies of any areas that are a concern. Depending on the results of the biopsies (displasia, cancer, etc), that will determine what the next step is. There is a chance that my body isn't fighting off the HPV like it should be, so the longer it stays in my system, the more at risk I am for developing cervical cancer. Most adults will get HPV, not all will get the high risk strains, but usually people (especially young like me) are able to fight off the virus themselves before it starts causing problems. I'm not sure exactly why I'm not fighting it off, but I plan to call my PCP and see if she has any recommendations of things I can do in the meantime. I've heard of some things that have worked to reverse HSIL in other people's cases that I'm going to ask about, and also things like CoQ10, Folic Acid and B Vitamins that can help with HSIL and high risk HPV. We'll see what she has to say about all of that.
I've been doing really well burying being scared lately. Even Rick wasn't aware that I was scared to death until I finally broke down and fessed up to him tonight. He said I was doing such a good job hiding it that he didn't think of it as the reason why I've not been acting myself lately. It feels good to have told him how afraid I am and to be able to use him as a support. I was trying to protect him (and myself) by trying not to think about all the "what-ifs" and apparently I'm a good actress, because he really had no clue that I was still scared about all of this... I don't know what he thought I was feeling, but let's face it - guys and girls deal differently, and I think he just assumed I was ok. But, it was really nice to be able to break down to him tonight when I got home and let him hold me up for a little bit and be there for me. I think that's really going to help me as I wait for the next appointment.
I was driving home from my last meeting with my amazing Small Group tonight. I've been a part of this Bible Study for 2 1/2 years now, and I was so sad to have to leave them. I was already feeling vulnerable, losing that support system, and I had an hour drive home. My mind started spinning out of control and I was REALLY upset as I was driving. I knew that wasn't healthy, so I asked God to quiet my fears and put on my heart a Bible verse. I'm an immature Christian in that I don't have a huge arsenal of Scripture memorized. But, there is one verse that I memorized 2 years ago that fits SO MANY situations. The first 2 lines were just what I needed to quiet my heart. I got through those, started to feel better, and was going farther into the Scripture (I had memorized like 11 lines worth). There was ONE WORD at the very end that I just couldn't remember. I thought I had it (and I did), but it just didn't feel right, so I spent almost the next half hour trying desperately to retreive this one word from the recesses of my memory. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was sure an effective way to take my mind off my current situation!! That had God written all over it!!!!!